I don't wanna see
I don't wanna see anything
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be lost again
I don't wanna walk
I don't wanna walk far from You
I just wanna live
I just wanna live like You do
As I stumble to the light of grace
You said You'd always have a place for me
Got a little scared
Got a little scared in the woods
And everywhere I turn
Everywhere I turn nothing's good
Then I saw a little light
Saw a little light shine for me
And I found a little path
Found a little path at my feet
As I fumble with the gift of my free will
He says hush now
Listen to my voice
Be still
My refuge
My Father
The only Living Water
I'm weary
I'm broken
I've cracked my heart wide open
Unholy
Unworthy
And still You reassure me
You knew me
Before I new myself
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be lost again
saving jane
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Brand New Day
Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light
I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask
It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past
It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend
It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
"Brand New Day" Joshua Radin
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light
I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask
It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past
It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend
It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok
"Brand New Day" Joshua Radin
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Human Condition
"Sometimes I wish my life were more exciting. I get bogged down in the everyday. Life seems so routine, so mundane. By the time I handle my responsibilities, all my energy is sapped. I long for a sense of anticipation, an experience of vibrancy, a challenge."
I'm currently in Disciple II (A United Methodist weekly Bible study). At the beginning of every lesson is a "Human Condition" that challenges us to be completely honest with the week's topic and examine how we are carrying out our lives. The statement above was our Human Condition for the past week.
I couldn't agree with it more and regretfully admit that I've been there! I believe we get so bogged down in our own life that we can't see outside, the needs of others, and the challenges out there for us to accept and conquer. We wake up, go to work/school, then go home....do it all over again. Isn't there more to life than that?!?
The absolute most common response to our non-listening question of "how are you?" to one another is "I'm so busy!". EVERYONE IS BUSY! The man on the couch is busy in his eyes! Are we really that busy!?! Or do we just like saying it because it makes us feel needed and/or important? Yes, we work hard! But are we doing all we can?
Rob Bell said, "Being busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to...We must examine the rhythms of our life if we're ever going to will the one thing."
Step outside yourself! I am guilty of using the "busy" buzz word...feeling sorry for myself and my crazy schedule (that I have created!). I don't want to go through the motions of life. I don't want to be an energy snapper. I want a vibrant experience! I want to be challenged!
I want to use the gifts God has given me to stretch as far as possible. We have to be careful to not over stretch...because then they are no good. Also know I am not saying that we are not doing important things! Sometimes it does seem as if there is not enough time in the day. I just want to pay attention to those around me and not be so caught up in myself! I want to make the time I do have count!
For my daily "blessing/prayer/song", check out this song by Matthew West called "The Motions". Funniest moment of the day: Linda and Sandy going crazy on my facebook wall :)
I'm currently in Disciple II (A United Methodist weekly Bible study). At the beginning of every lesson is a "Human Condition" that challenges us to be completely honest with the week's topic and examine how we are carrying out our lives. The statement above was our Human Condition for the past week.
I couldn't agree with it more and regretfully admit that I've been there! I believe we get so bogged down in our own life that we can't see outside, the needs of others, and the challenges out there for us to accept and conquer. We wake up, go to work/school, then go home....do it all over again. Isn't there more to life than that?!?
The absolute most common response to our non-listening question of "how are you?" to one another is "I'm so busy!". EVERYONE IS BUSY! The man on the couch is busy in his eyes! Are we really that busy!?! Or do we just like saying it because it makes us feel needed and/or important? Yes, we work hard! But are we doing all we can?
Rob Bell said, "Being busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to...We must examine the rhythms of our life if we're ever going to will the one thing."
Step outside yourself! I am guilty of using the "busy" buzz word...feeling sorry for myself and my crazy schedule (that I have created!). I don't want to go through the motions of life. I don't want to be an energy snapper. I want a vibrant experience! I want to be challenged!
I want to use the gifts God has given me to stretch as far as possible. We have to be careful to not over stretch...because then they are no good. Also know I am not saying that we are not doing important things! Sometimes it does seem as if there is not enough time in the day. I just want to pay attention to those around me and not be so caught up in myself! I want to make the time I do have count!
For my daily "blessing/prayer/song", check out this song by Matthew West called "The Motions". Funniest moment of the day: Linda and Sandy going crazy on my facebook wall :)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Table For One
When I first starting eating at restaurants alone...I would dread the question from the hostess, "How many will be dining?" I would hang my head a little and lift up one finger to represent myself. I was fresh out of college, living in a strange city, with all of my friends hundreds of miles away. I don't know how I had enough courage to start doing it...but I wasn't going to let the "loneliness" stop me from exploring and enjoying the city.
I would sit at the table worrying about what others were thinking of me. I made up whispers of "Oh that poor girl is by herself!" or better yet, "She must be weird if she's alone".
I remember eating at KFC in Leavenworth very shortly after I started working here. I didn't know much about Leavenworth and all the places to eat. I lived thirty minutes away which left me stranded in town for an hour with not much to do during the lunch break. There was an elderly lady (probably about 75-80 years old). She had a wedding ring on, a small plate, and no one sitting across from her. I immediately felt sorry for her...so sorry that my eyes began to water. I still have the image in my head two years later.
The vision has changed my life and my attitude about requesting a table for one.
At least once a week, I go somewhere by myself and sit down to enjoy a nice meal. I confidently say, "Just me!" when asked the before dreaded question. I smile at each person that passes by. I say my please and thank you's...with a little extra on the side :). I like to strike up conversations with my server. Just the other day, the server at Cracker Barrel complemented my hair by saying that my highlights were "tight"! It is amazing the things people will say if they think you are alone!
Today I ventured to IHOP. It was a cold and snowy day...breakfast food seemed to fit! As I sat in my booth facing the kitchen, I observed the workers interacting with one another...all from different cultures and backgrounds. My server's name was Veronica. She seemed like a nice lady. I watched her wipe off the table next to me and began to wonder what her life is like outside of the pancake paradise. Maybe she's a single mom...or earning money to take care of her elderly parents...maybe she's going to school. The Hispanic "bus boy" also caught my attention. He was by no means a boy...but rather a man in his late 60's. Then a young middle eastern server caught my eye. I looked around even more and a man sitting across from me was alone while he read the daily newspaper. He was angery with his 20 something white female server for not bringing out the right order. He seemed bitter. I wonder why?
I wanted to know all of their stories. What is their life like? I highly believe that we are all in the ministry 100% of the time. This is my personal ministry. Sitting at a table for one. I got over myself and threw away the thoughts of others. There is too much in our world to see and I don't want my fears to get in the way of experiencing it all.
I hope by smiling and chatting I can bring a little bit of joy to the people I shortly come in contact with. By going alone, it opens up the door. If you are with company...I've noticed the server is less inclined to talk. I think our society puts these working people at a lower level. I admire them. We go in with the idea of "serve me" and "I need this now". For whatever reason they are there earning a very small wage.
As I sit at the table with a cross around my neck, I remember "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Col. 4:6 and "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12
I would sit at the table worrying about what others were thinking of me. I made up whispers of "Oh that poor girl is by herself!" or better yet, "She must be weird if she's alone".
I remember eating at KFC in Leavenworth very shortly after I started working here. I didn't know much about Leavenworth and all the places to eat. I lived thirty minutes away which left me stranded in town for an hour with not much to do during the lunch break. There was an elderly lady (probably about 75-80 years old). She had a wedding ring on, a small plate, and no one sitting across from her. I immediately felt sorry for her...so sorry that my eyes began to water. I still have the image in my head two years later.
The vision has changed my life and my attitude about requesting a table for one.
At least once a week, I go somewhere by myself and sit down to enjoy a nice meal. I confidently say, "Just me!" when asked the before dreaded question. I smile at each person that passes by. I say my please and thank you's...with a little extra on the side :). I like to strike up conversations with my server. Just the other day, the server at Cracker Barrel complemented my hair by saying that my highlights were "tight"! It is amazing the things people will say if they think you are alone!
Today I ventured to IHOP. It was a cold and snowy day...breakfast food seemed to fit! As I sat in my booth facing the kitchen, I observed the workers interacting with one another...all from different cultures and backgrounds. My server's name was Veronica. She seemed like a nice lady. I watched her wipe off the table next to me and began to wonder what her life is like outside of the pancake paradise. Maybe she's a single mom...or earning money to take care of her elderly parents...maybe she's going to school. The Hispanic "bus boy" also caught my attention. He was by no means a boy...but rather a man in his late 60's. Then a young middle eastern server caught my eye. I looked around even more and a man sitting across from me was alone while he read the daily newspaper. He was angery with his 20 something white female server for not bringing out the right order. He seemed bitter. I wonder why?
I wanted to know all of their stories. What is their life like? I highly believe that we are all in the ministry 100% of the time. This is my personal ministry. Sitting at a table for one. I got over myself and threw away the thoughts of others. There is too much in our world to see and I don't want my fears to get in the way of experiencing it all.
I hope by smiling and chatting I can bring a little bit of joy to the people I shortly come in contact with. By going alone, it opens up the door. If you are with company...I've noticed the server is less inclined to talk. I think our society puts these working people at a lower level. I admire them. We go in with the idea of "serve me" and "I need this now". For whatever reason they are there earning a very small wage.
As I sit at the table with a cross around my neck, I remember "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Col. 4:6 and "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12
Thursday, February 19, 2009
In It Together
As we grow up, we dream of what life will be like as an adult. We design the perfect life and career in our minds when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I honestly don't recall what my childhood dream career was. I do know the path I am on now surpasses my wildest dreams. The ministry.
This week I had the opportunity to reconnect with some very special people. We are graduates of Southwestern College in the ministry. We have diverse duties in our jobs, live in different cities/states, have different visions for ministry, have different views on the "church"...etc. Despite our difference, something very indescribable happens when we gather. These special people spark something in me that no one else ever has before. Our guards are down. We share our fears, struggles, joys, and visions. We share the gifts we see in each other. We support one another. We keep each other accountable. We worship together. We pray together. We cry together. We debate together. We experience the love of Christ together. We have witnessed each other's growth and maturity in Christ.
This is not a moment for me to re-live my "college days". Ha! My college days were FAR different than today! Through our distance apart, we are doing life and ministry together.
At the end of the week...we go our separate ways to serve and do the ministry God has called us to do. We are joining God in the mission field of everyday living. Some of us are married. Some live with friends. Some live alone. We can always count on each other to understand no matter what. My one selfish desire is to be able to take them with me :)...to be able to bottle up the feelings during our few short days together for the days I need it the most.
This week I had the opportunity to reconnect with some very special people. We are graduates of Southwestern College in the ministry. We have diverse duties in our jobs, live in different cities/states, have different visions for ministry, have different views on the "church"...etc. Despite our difference, something very indescribable happens when we gather. These special people spark something in me that no one else ever has before. Our guards are down. We share our fears, struggles, joys, and visions. We share the gifts we see in each other. We support one another. We keep each other accountable. We worship together. We pray together. We cry together. We debate together. We experience the love of Christ together. We have witnessed each other's growth and maturity in Christ.
This is not a moment for me to re-live my "college days". Ha! My college days were FAR different than today! Through our distance apart, we are doing life and ministry together.
At the end of the week...we go our separate ways to serve and do the ministry God has called us to do. We are joining God in the mission field of everyday living. Some of us are married. Some live with friends. Some live alone. We can always count on each other to understand no matter what. My one selfish desire is to be able to take them with me :)...to be able to bottle up the feelings during our few short days together for the days I need it the most.
For this post I'm sharing lyrics to a song we did during worship by Vineyard Music called "Surrender" and pictures of these special people. I felt this to mean more than sharing the funniest moment, blessing, prayer, and song of the day.
I'm giving You my heart, all that is within
I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King
I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights
I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life
And I surrender all to You, all to You
And I surrender all to You, all to You
I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross
All the world holds dear, I count it all as loss
For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name
To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain
And I surrender it all to you, all to You
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Empty Me
Check this out. I listened to this song all the time in college and recently heard it and was reminded of the truth in the lyrics:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg2kCAiB1Kw
*sorry if he stresses you out ;)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg2kCAiB1Kw
*sorry if he stresses you out ;)
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