Life in Words

Grace

2009-04-29T21:24:00.002-05:00

I don't wanna see
I don't wanna see anything
I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be lost again
I don't wanna walk
I don't wanna walk far from You
I just wanna live
I just wanna live like You do

As I stumble to the light of grace
You said You'd always have a place for me

Got a little scared
Got a little scared in the woods
And everywhere I turn
Everywhere I turn nothing's good

Then I saw a little light
Saw a little light shine for me
And I found a little path
Found a little path at my feet

As I fumble with the gift of my free will
He says hush now
Listen to my voice
Be still

My refuge
My Father
The only Living Water

I'm weary
I'm broken
I've cracked my heart wide open
Unholy
Unworthy
And still You reassure me
You knew me
Before I new myself

I don't wanna be
I don't wanna be lost again

saving jane

Brand New Day

2009-03-25T23:10:00.002-05:00

Some kind of magic
Happens late at night
When the moon smiles down at me
And bathes me in its light
I fell asleep beneath you
In the tall blades of grass
When I woke the world was new
I never had to ask

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

Most kind of stories
Save the best part for last
And most stories have a hero who finds
You make your past your past
Yeah you make your past your past

It's a brand new day
The sun is shining
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

This cycle never ends
You gotta fall in order to mend
It's a brand new day
It's a brand new day
For the first time in such a long long time
I know, I'll be ok

"Brand New Day" Joshua Radin

Human Condition

2009-03-11T21:46:00.011-05:00

"Sometimes I wish my life were more exciting. I get bogged down in the everyday. Life seems so routine, so mundane. By the time I handle my responsibilities, all my energy is sapped. I long for a sense of anticipation, an experience of vibrancy, a challenge."

I'm currently in Disciple II (A United Methodist weekly Bible study). At the beginning of every lesson is a "Human Condition" that challenges us to be completely honest with the week's topic and examine how we are carrying out our lives. The statement above was our Human Condition for the past week.

I couldn't agree with it more and regretfully admit that I've been there! I believe we get so bogged down in our own life that we can't see outside, the needs of others, and the challenges out there for us to accept and conquer. We wake up, go to work/school, then go home....do it all over again. Isn't there more to life than that?!?

The absolute most common response to our non-listening question of "how are you?" to one another is "I'm so busy!". EVERYONE IS BUSY! The man on the couch is busy in his eyes! Are we really that busy!?! Or do we just like saying it because it makes us feel needed and/or important? Yes, we work hard! But are we doing all we can?

Rob Bell said, "Being busy is a drug that a lot of people are addicted to...We must examine the rhythms of our life if we're ever going to will the one thing."

Step outside yourself! I am guilty of using the "busy" buzz word...feeling sorry for myself and my crazy schedule (that I have created!). I don't want to go through the motions of life. I don't want to be an energy snapper. I want a vibrant experience! I want to be challenged!

I want to use the gifts God has given me to stretch as far as possible. We have to be careful to not over stretch...because then they are no good. Also know I am not saying that we are not doing important things! Sometimes it does seem as if there is not enough time in the day. I just want to pay attention to those around me and not be so caught up in myself! I want to make the time I do have count!

For my daily "blessing/prayer/song", check out this song by Matthew West called "The Motions". Funniest moment of the day: Linda and Sandy going crazy on my facebook wall :)

I Will Rise

2009-02-28T23:24:00.004-06:00

Table For One

2009-02-28T21:42:00.006-06:00

When I first starting eating at restaurants alone...I would dread the question from the hostess, "How many will be dining?" I would hang my head a little and lift up one finger to represent myself. I was fresh out of college, living in a strange city, with all of my friends hundreds of miles away. I don't know how I had enough courage to start doing it...but I wasn't going to let the "loneliness" stop me from exploring and enjoying the city.

I would sit at the table worrying about what others were thinking of me. I made up whispers of "Oh that poor girl is by herself!" or better yet, "She must be weird if she's alone".

I remember eating at KFC in Leavenworth very shortly after I started working here. I didn't know much about Leavenworth and all the places to eat. I lived thirty minutes away which left me stranded in town for an hour with not much to do during the lunch break. There was an elderly lady (probably about 75-80 years old). She had a wedding ring on, a small plate, and no one sitting across from her. I immediately felt sorry for her...so sorry that my eyes began to water. I still have the image in my head two years later.

The vision has changed my life and my attitude about requesting a table for one.

At least once a week, I go somewhere by myself and sit down to enjoy a nice meal. I confidently say, "Just me!" when asked the before dreaded question. I smile at each person that passes by. I say my please and thank you's...with a little extra on the side :). I like to strike up conversations with my server. Just the other day, the server at Cracker Barrel complemented my hair by saying that my highlights were "tight"! It is amazing the things people will say if they think you are alone!

Today I ventured to IHOP. It was a cold and snowy day...breakfast food seemed to fit! As I sat in my booth facing the kitchen, I observed the workers interacting with one another...all from different cultures and backgrounds. My server's name was Veronica. She seemed like a nice lady. I watched her wipe off the table next to me and began to wonder what her life is like outside of the pancake paradise. Maybe she's a single mom...or earning money to take care of her elderly parents...maybe she's going to school. The Hispanic "bus boy" also caught my attention. He was by no means a boy...but rather a man in his late 60's. Then a young middle eastern server caught my eye. I looked around even more and a man sitting across from me was alone while he read the daily newspaper. He was angery with his 20 something white female server for not bringing out the right order. He seemed bitter. I wonder why?

I wanted to know all of their stories. What is their life like? I highly believe that we are all in the ministry 100% of the time. This is my personal ministry. Sitting at a table for one. I got over myself and threw away the thoughts of others. There is too much in our world to see and I don't want my fears to get in the way of experiencing it all.

I hope by smiling and chatting I can bring a little bit of joy to the people I shortly come in contact with. By going alone, it opens up the door. If you are with company...I've noticed the server is less inclined to talk. I think our society puts these working people at a lower level. I admire them. We go in with the idea of "serve me" and "I need this now". For whatever reason they are there earning a very small wage.

As I sit at the table with a cross around my neck, I remember "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone." Col. 4:6 and "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." John 15:12

In It Together

2009-02-19T21:06:00.010-06:00

As we grow up, we dream of what life will be like as an adult. We design the perfect life and career in our minds when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I honestly don't recall what my childhood dream career was. I do know the path I am on now surpasses my wildest dreams. The ministry.

This week I had the opportunity to reconnect with some very special people. We are graduates of Southwestern College in the ministry. We have diverse duties in our jobs, live in different cities/states, have different visions for ministry, have different views on the "church"...etc. Despite our difference, something very indescribable happens when we gather. These special people spark something in me that no one else ever has before. Our guards are down. We share our fears, struggles, joys, and visions. We share the gifts we see in each other. We support one another. We keep each other accountable. We worship together. We pray together. We cry together. We debate together. We experience the love of Christ together. We have witnessed each other's growth and maturity in Christ.

This is not a moment for me to re-live my "college days". Ha! My college days were FAR different than today! Through our distance apart, we are doing life and ministry together.

At the end of the week...we go our separate ways to serve and do the ministry God has called us to do. We are joining God in the mission field of everyday living. Some of us are married. Some live with friends. Some live alone. We can always count on each other to understand no matter what. My one selfish desire is to be able to take them with me :)...to be able to bottle up the feelings during our few short days together for the days I need it the most.

For this post I'm sharing lyrics to a song we did during worship by Vineyard Music called "Surrender" and pictures of these special people. I felt this to mean more than sharing the funniest moment, blessing, prayer, and song of the day.

I'm giving You my heart, all that is within

I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights

I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life

And I surrender all to You, all to You

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross

All the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name

To know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

And I surrender it all to you, all to You

Empty Me

2009-02-05T17:34:00.003-06:00

Check this out. I listened to this song all the time in college and recently heard it and was reminded of the truth in the lyrics:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cg2kCAiB1Kw

*sorry if he stresses you out ;)

Always a Bridesmaid...

2009-02-03T11:32:00.008-06:00

Not a Bride for now!

My great, amazing, and beautiful friend is getting married to a wonderful, loving, and gentle man! I have the honor to be a bridesmaid as the couple unites and will begin their future together. I am friends with both bride and groom and they have been a huge part in my life for the past 5 years now...and counting :)

Last Friday the bride gathered the girls together to pick out our dresses as to which we will stand by her in. She found the cutest and most picture perfect place in a small town south of KC. We walked in the store and immediately were surrounded by nothing but white poofy gowns! I began to feel my breath leaving me and my arms to kind of tingle!

Earlier in the day, I was at place where a baby shower was being thrown. Pastel blues and pinks filled the room with ladies giddy in baby fever. I quickly began to feel my breath leaving me and my arms to kind of tingle!

Saturday evening, I saw "Bride Wars" with a couple of friends. It is a hilarious movie and has a great story about 2 best friends experiencing "the happiest day of their life" together. As I watched the 2 plan their wedding in detail, I began to feel my breath leaving me and my arms to kind of tingle!

I am excited for the the day to come when I will unite with a man of God and start my future family. However...I am not one of those girls who is consumed with the thought and idea. (Nothing wrong with it...just not me!) My take is....when it happens...it happens! Clearly my anxious feelings lately are sign that maybe....just maybe...I'm not quite ready for that step yet! Who knows! I could meet someone tomorrow and everything I just shared could go away! :)

I'm excited to be a bridesmaid again this summer! Again, I feel extremely honored to be a part of such a special occasion! Plus the party afterwards is going to be off the chain!!!!!

Funniest Moment of the day: Reading Stacy's blog. I was right.
Blessing of the day: The upcoming wedding and joy/excitement of the happy couple.
Prayer of the day: God's plan. Not the world's or my own.
Song of the day: "Free To Be Me" by Francesca Battistella

When Life Keeps You Up At Night

2009-01-21T00:48:00.012-06:00

This is the title of our sermon series right now at FUMC. Here I am at 1am wide awake! Hmmm maybe Bruce's word are relevant to me?! :)

Sometimes life keeps us up for good reasons. I find that I do some of my best thinking, find the best solutions, and oddly have the most creativity at this time.

I've been doing a lot of searching lately on what it means to be a good friend. I believe friendship is one of the hardest things to find, maintain, and keep. Life gets busy. People move in different directions. They meet new people. You meet new people. We are not available as much as we used to be or as much as we'd like.

There is a popular email/forward that gets passed around quite frequently and my eyes have seen it a lot. It talks about people being in your life for a season, reason, and a life time. Then you pass it on and in 5 days your wish will come true! (Ha! Do people really believe that? I would like to have a deeper faith than that!)

I agree with that to an extent. Friendship takes work! You're not "tied" or "committed" to a friend like you would be a spouse with public vows and a ring! All to prove my point even more! There is nothing that says you have to maintain a friendship. I believe every friendship is by choice. We control whether a person is in our life for a reason, season, or a lifetime. We pick which we want to invest time into for a lifetime. We do go different paths and things change...but with enough work...they don't have to be a reason or a season. Some may not agree, but give this idea a chance.

When we see our friends going through painful situations (just as Bruce preached on Sunday!), we just don't know what to do. Sometimes the best thing to do is be their friend. Stay by their side...through it all...even when it is rough. Jesus does this for us. I strive everyday to do as he did (LONG ways to go!). Even the stuff that is hard! We can't pick for ourselves which traits of Jesus we want to do. We have to try for it all. It is a never-ending walk that I wouldn't trade for the world!

At the end of each message, we've watched people from our congregation go to the alter and "be still". People with all different walks of life and different ages have gone forth. Two weeks ago we sang "It Is Well". I teared up watching the 70 something year old lady behind me make her way to the alter. I teared up watching people I knew kneel as we, the congregation, continued singing the soul-saving words. My heart ached for them without even knowing their story or current situation.

When life keeps me up at night, I am thankful for the friends and people I have in life. People to experience this wild ride of life with. I am thankful to share laughs, tears, sorrows, struggles, fears, curiosities, memories, accomplishments, dreams, joys, embarrassments, insecurities, securities, and prayers with...the people that I love and am committed to.

Funniest moment of the day: Eating at Metro. with Amy and Daryl. They both asked for a straw and I joined the crowd by also telling the waitress that "we suck". Good thing she had a sense of humor.
Blessing of the day: Friendship.
Prayer of the day: All those who need to "be still"
Song of the day: "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs

Simplicity

2009-01-18T22:46:00.005-06:00

Simple yet powerful:

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." -Gandhi

"Live in HARMONY with one another; be SYMPATHETIC, LOVE as brothers, be COMPASSIONATE, and HUMBLE." -1 Peter 3:8

Funniest moment of the day: Caleb hitting the high note at the end of "Jesus Loves Me"
Blessing of the day: Being surrounded by the amazing people at FUMC.
Prayer of the day: Real change.
Song of the day: "He's Always Been Faithful" by Sara Groves

In Tune

2009-01-17T21:20:00.006-06:00

Embrace yourself for a long blog!

I have no musical ability what-so-ever (if you count the time I played the sleigh bells at church...then I have one!). If someone asked me to play a tune, sing a tune, whistle a tune...they'd be out of luck!

I love how things in life fit together! Just last week, I was guiding the high schoolers in a discussion about the song "God of This City" and it was the offering song at a different church I attended this evening. My dandy co-worker, Nancy, states that when things like this happen, it means that we are in the right place. We are where we are supposed to be!

If you have yet to hear the song "God of This City", I HIGHLY suggest that you do...right now! The words are way more powerful than this blog of mine. In college, I studied servant leadership and discovered my passion for service work. I felt that I "understood" what it meant to give of myself to something greater. My faith, however, was of another story! I was always waiting for God to somewhat "entertain" me. He needed to be doing the work and showering my life with blessings. In the last few years (being in the "real world") I see my relationship with God a bit different (raise the roof for grace!). Just as the song says, "Greater things have yet to come. Greater things are still to be done"! It is not about what God does FOR me...but all about what I can do to make things better: To show hope to the hopeless...peace to the restless...just as God does.

Our senior year on the Leadership Team, we were to make a mission statement and share it during our final for our senior project. Well, I accidentally threw away my entire Leadership notebook shortly after graduation! It just made me sick that I lost it! Just a few weeks ago, my great friend Hayley told me that she had kept my mission statement and had a copy in the front of her notebook! I had the chance to read my life mission statement that I had written four years ago (seems as if my world has changed dramatically in these 4 years). I was shocked to read the words! I was so full of joy to see that my mission statement, the things I want in life, have remained the same! Through everything...I'm still in tune with who I am!

Even though I am not in tune musically, I hope to be in tune with life. I hope to become more in tune with the opportunities God puts before me, wait for what has yet to come, and contribute to the great things that have yet to be done!

Funniest moment of the day: still pondering :)
Blessing(s) of the day: church and dinner with Dani
Prayer of the day: Be In Tune!
Song of the day: hmmm...I'll have to go with "God of This City" by BlueTree but Chris Tomlin recorded it as well

Here's my mission statement written in 2001 for anyone interested:

IN MY LIFE I WILL:
Find happiness
Not settle for anything that is not the best for me
Center everything around my faith and trust in God
Remember to laugh and smile
Be humbled by my fears and trust in my faith
Love the people in my life
Know that there are going to be “those days” and try to learn from them
Continually grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually
Be thankful for the gifts I have and not take things for granted
Love life itself
Find a career that I love
Always remain true to myself and God’s will

Becoming Healthier...

2009-01-15T14:21:00.000-06:00

Many people say that journaling adds health to ones life. I am the type of person that has problems with daily commitments, even if it will make my life better. I have tried to be a journel-er and it has never worked out. So...I've had the thought of blogging for quite some time, but never got around to it. After too much thinking and not enough action...here I am! Now all of my random thoughts will become public!

I am a MTV junkie (always have been...hope I always won't be. Don't judge). I absolutely love the show "Run's House". I think it is hilarious watching little Russy and Diggy. I watch the show wondering if I would have been of character like these boys at that age. Would I have made an interesting TV show? I know my family would now! (Can I get an Amen?) Most of my childhood consisted of sports! Probably would have made for boring TV.

Random side note: I attended a 7th grade basketball game yesterday and I just could not help but watch with a smile on my face! I had youth playing in the game and cheering on the sidelines. I had so much pride and joy watching my youth do the "things" they enjoy doing. I thought about my parents and other family members always on the sidelines at my games and wondered if they felt the same. It was almost harder sitting on the sidelines wanting my youth to play well...and I'm not even the parent!

Back to "Run's House": Another favorite part is listening to Rev. Run end the show. He is always in a huge bathtub, surrouned by candles, and writing an inspirational message on his Blackberry. One goal I have for this blog is to sum up the day with four things:
1.Funniest moment
2.Blessing
3.Prayer
4.Song of the day
Don't worry! I'm not sitting in a huge pile of bubbles with my laptop! I would probably drop it in the water and my daily streak of blogging would be over on the first day!

I can't promise that my blog will be funny, well written, educational, anything interesting, or nearly this long! It will simply be my daily life put to words! So read if you wish! If no one reads it....oh well...at least I'll be a healthier person for writing it :)

Funniest moment of the day: Parents calling while I'm working. They're practicing for retirement.
Blessing(s) of the day: After school Bible study with high schoolers & Thursday nights with the Sheumakers
Prayer of the day: Temps in single digits. Not good.
Song of the day: "The Face of Love" by Sanctus Real (check out the sweet lyrics)